dotfiles/dot_config/nvim/after/plugin/dashboard.lua

local present, db = pcall(require, "dashboard")
if not present then
  return
end

db.custom_header = function()
  local cringe = {
    "Have fun coding!",
    "neovim got rid of the :smile command.",
    "Pro tip: You can use :q to exit. Do it. Now!",
  }
  local random_cringe = cringe[math.random(#cringe)]
  return {
    [[╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════╗]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡏⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣄⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠘⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡼⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠖⠀⠀⡸⠀⠀⠀⡟⠈⠃⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢺⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣶⣶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣀⣀⣤⡶⠶⠶⠶⡇⠀⠀⣼⣿⣶⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣷⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⠀⠀⠀⠘⢻⠙⠛⠒⠛⠛⢉⣩⠁⠀⠀⢀⡄⠀⡇⠀⢀⣿⡿⠛⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣆⠀⠈⠉⠁⣉⣉⣃⠞⣠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⡾⠀⡀⠁⠀⠈⣿⠁⠀⣸⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣷⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣦⢱⠀⠀⠀⢿⣀⣠⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⡿⠀⠀⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣄⠀⠀⠀⢳⡝⢯⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡟⠑⠦⠴⣤⣤⣤⣾⡛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⡆⠙⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢠⣤⣤⣄⢉⣨⣥⣶⠶⢶⣾⠶⠂⠘⠦⢤⣤⣠⡾⠃⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠘⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⣀⠀⠈⠀⠐⢿⣏⠉⠉⠉⢉⣁⣠⡶⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⡟⠀⠀⠀⠘⢧⣀⡀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡄⠈⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⢉⣉⣩⡭⠓⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠑⠒║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣨⠟⠀⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡴⠋⠀⠀⡠⠇⢠⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠐⠂⠀⠀⢀⣠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⡠⠤⠶⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠛⢷⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[║⣤⠞⠋⠉⠀⡀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣄⠘⣿⣿⣟⠛⠿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀║]],
    [[╚══════════════════════════════════════════════════╝]],
    random_cringe,
  }
end

local padding = 25
local function pad(string)
  local str = string
  for _ = 1, padding - #string do
    str = str .. " "
  end
  return str
end

db.session_directory = vim.fn.stdpath("cache") .. "/sessions"

db.custom_center = {
  {
    icon = "  ",
    desc = pad("Restore last session"),
    shortcut = "␣ s l",
    action = "SessionLoad",
  },
  {
    icon = "  ",
    desc = pad("Open Projects"),
    action = "Telescope project",
    shortcut = "␣ f p",
  },
  {
    icon = "  ",
    desc = pad("File Browser"),
    action = "Telescope file_browser",
    shortcut = "␣ f b",
  },
  {
    icon = "  ",
    desc = pad("Open Settings"),
    action = function()
      local confpath = vim.fn.resolve(vim.fn.stdpath("config"))
      require("telescope.builtin").find_files({ cwd = confpath })
    end,
    shortcut = "␣ f s",
  },
}

db.custom_footer = function()
  local v = vim.version()
  local vStr = string.format("%d.%d.%d", v.major, v.minor, v.patch)
  return {
    "masochism " .. vStr,
  }
end

vim.api.nvim_create_autocmd(
  "VimLeavePre",
  { pattern = "*", command = "SessionSave" }
)